The Abyss Of Bitterness

For those of you reading my work, I must make it clear that even with my many heartbreaks and disappointments this year, I am far from bitter or damaged goods.

Writing helps me to see the mistakes I have made over that past year. I write to purge my hurt and anger so that it does not eat me up inside.

I live in Baltimore MD. I call it "The land of bitter hateful women". I see it everyday and I refuse to become one of them. However, I do understand how they got there.

I know that everything Ive given in my past relationships was out of love in its purest form. Therefore, I also know all of my goodness I gave will come back to me ten fold. I get excited just thinking about it.

I refuse to let the stupidity and immaturity of a man stop me from growing and seeking the love I know I deserve. I learn from every setback and then I move on. Once Ive moved on is usually when they suddenly "get it" and want to come back into my life.

I know the mistakes I made in love in 2008. I so look forward to 2009 and doing things differently to get the results I desire when it comes to love and relationships. 2008 was a hard year for me. However I know my footsteps are ordered by God and everything that happened had a purpose and a lesson. Now I look forward to putting the lessons into practice.

I am excited about my journey and keeping a running blog on every experience!!!!

More Of The Same

I wrote about being mislead at the top of the year

Now here I am at the end hurting over the same

He was here

Seemingly perfect

Did all the right things

We had a more than perfect connection

Liked the same things

Would spend days just being together

Sometimes not leaving the house

Just hanging out

Wallowing in eachothers company

He told me he wanted something real
he was tired of relationships that only last a few months
He wanted to know love for real
We talked about everything
Nothing was off limits
We worked through everything
He was so much more than a lover
He was my friend
My right arm
My hip
My Baby
Then
It came
He said he wasn't sure what he wanted
He didn't want to stay around only to hurt me
He needed "time" to get himself "together"
So I fought
Then I kissed him
Told him how much I loved him
and I let him go
How is it fair to go from seeing him everyday
To a text message maybe every other day
How do you just ...
Leave
Like we never were
I miss his presence
His laugh
Watching him watch TV
Being frustrated at his loud snoring
Sleeping in his arms
Or with my face in his back
I miss him so
I miss him as much as I feel abandoned
So what do I do now??